Healing Through the Legacy of My Abuelita
Honoring Ancestral Wisdom, Strengthening Family Bonds, and Embracing Shared Connections
My abuelita from my mother's side was the first to leave us. I was in my late 30s when she suffered a stroke and was rushed to the hospital. Her childhood, filled with poverty, abuse, loss, and betrayal, was far from perfect. Yet, it also held laughter, tradition, and an unwavering love for her children and grandchildren.
As you might know from my previous writings, my family migrated to the US when I was just six years old. We left my father's side of the family in Chile, and upon our arrival in the US, we were greeted by my mother's one of my mother’s sisters, brother, and my beloved abuelita, Eugenia.
Abuelita Eugenia and I shared a special bond, as I found solace in her fiery spirit, which mirrored my own. Her presence often softened the strictness of my mother, who feared I'd run wild if left unchecked. Freedom was all I longed for - to love, explore, and express myself without restraint.
My abuelita's own life was marked by control, having been married off at the tender age of 16. Despite the challenges she faced, her unwavering faith and connection to spirituality never wavered. She'd pray to a blond-haired Jesus on a massive crucifix and visit the Virgin Mother's statue at least once or twice a month.
As a young woman, I struggled to reconcile my abuelita's beliefs with our family's history of colonization. It wasn't until years after her passing that I truly began to process the impact this had on our people. I can't help but wonder if she'd have understood my internal conflict. I mean I think that she might of considering her use of plant medicine, discussions of the evil eye, and her insistence on rubbing eggs over us during a limpa to dispel any mal energy.
In her final days, my abuelita was in hospice care after suffering a second stroke, her dementia causing disorientation and fear. She requested not to be fed, a wish her children respected. Her last breath was in that hospice room, as she gazed at her firstborn and let go.
Losing my abuelita shifted the dynamics of our entire family. I found myself further distancing myself from my mother's sister and her brother who we had stayed with upon our arrival in the US. The loss of my abuelita gave me the permission I needed to sever those connections.
A void was left in my heart that I believed could never be filled, until I had my first sip of Ceremonial Cacao. It was in that moment that I felt the healing power of our ancestral wisdom and the lasting presence of my beloved abuelita, Eugenia.
My paternal abuelita only recently departed from this world. Our connection had become strained after my family's migration, as distance and time often create chasms between loved ones. My abuelita on my father's side possessed a softer disposition, lacking the fierce fire that defined my maternal grandmother and me. Family members would remark on my mother's fiery spirit within me, intending to shame me – yet I embraced it as a compliment, stoking my inner flame even further.
In my 20s, a disagreement led to a falling out between my paternal abuelita and me. Over time, our estrangement solidified into a belief that I was unimportant to her. However, when my father called to inform me that her health was rapidly declining, I immediately boarded a flight to Chile to be by her side.
The moments we shared during that visit were precious and transformative. We talked, wept, and acknowledged the absurdity of our years-long dispute. We sought and granted forgiveness, finding solace in the bond that had never truly faded. We laughed, sang, and savored the simple joys of togetherness, like brushing her hair and applying lotion to her face and body.
Through our reconciliation, my abuelita taught me the true meaning of unconditional love. No matter the passage of time or the bitterness of disagreements, we were bound by an invisible yet unbreakable connection. Despite our history of conflict and my complicated relationships with my parents and extended family, I recognized the strength of these familial bonds.
Although I've often wished to distance myself or deny their existence, I've come to understand that these connections are inherent and unshakable.
These experiences with my abuelitas have shaped my understanding of love, forgiveness, and the power of connection. They have taught me that our relationships with our loved ones, though sometimes tumultuous, are an integral part of who we are. Even when we find ourselves at odds with family members or wishing to escape their influence, the bonds that connect us remain unbroken.
As I reflect on these life lessons, I am reminded of the importance of empathy and compassion. We never truly know the depths of another's pain or the weight of their experiences, just as they cannot fully comprehend ours. It is through open communication, empathy, and understanding that we can begin to heal the wounds that divide us.
This journey of self-discovery and healing has led me to the heart of my ancestral wisdom. By embracing the teachings of my abuelitas and recognizing the value of our connection to family, culture, and Mother Earth, I have discovered a wellspring of strength and resilience within myself.
In honoring the legacies of my abuelitas and the ancestral wisdom they passed down, I am committed to nurturing these connections and fostering a sense of belonging within myself and others.
Through this work, I hope to inspire healing and understanding in our families and communities and to remind us all of the power that lies in our shared bonds.
Reminds me of an ancestral lesson
Küme pukujün chi küpam ñi choy, küme kümapu ñi pewma ñi choy, küme kümey küme küme choy ta ka tüfachi wulwe.
(Translation: Let us always remember the wisdom of our ancestors, the strength of our family bonds, and the power of our shared connections.)